The Dream Team September 18, 2014

Friends and Family,

Genevieve and I flew down to San Diego this morning in advance of my lung biopsy, which will be tomorrow morning at 10:30. Due to time and distance they didn't schedule me for the usual pre-op consultation to explain what would happen.

First I should tell you that a year ago Genevieve and I planned a trip to Hawaii, which would have started today. I asked my new oncologist about delaying the start but still going, since there's nothing to do while we wait for the biopsy results. He didn't like the idea, since I wouldn't be close by if I get the green light. But what difference does that make? If I get in the study I could fly back from Hawaii just the same as I could fly back from Portland. So what would you do???"

We're going to Hawaii on Tuesday.

I called the oncology Nurse Coordinator to try to reach the doctor doing the biopsy, since I knew nothing about the procedure and I was losing sleep over it. I wanted to know how long before surgery should I stop aspirin, since it's a blood thinner. I also needed to know how long after the biopsy it was safe to fly, since I don't want a pressurized airplane to cause a collapsed lung. This is another reminder of how important it is to be your own advocate.

I was curious how they could do a "CT-assisted biopsy," since I've been in that CT tunnel at least 35 times now, and there's not enough room in there for me and the doctor both. We should have met long before this if we were going to be that intimate.

It turns out that they scan me, then insert a needle into my lung, usually through the chest but sometimes through the back. They then scan me again and see how close they are to the tumor. They go back and forth, scanning and adjusting, until they get their biopsy.

I'll be under conscious sedation and feeling no pain. The real danger here is that I'm told that you lose your inhibitions, but have no memory of it afterwards. The staff think this is sometimes hilarious. I'm just hoping that Genevieve isn't in the room, and that there are no hot nurses assisting. Genevieve thinks this comment is sexist, but hey, I'm a guy.

There are still two big forks in the road. The first is to see if I have the T790 mutation, which I will come back to.

The second is which tumor they biopsy, the big one or the little one. If it's the little one, no problem. If it's the big one, and I have T790, they will delay treatment for 24 days so that the tumor has time to "heal" for research purposes. Those will be nerve-racking days, since the cancer will be growing during that time.

If I have the T790 mutation, I'm in the study. If I don't, that's the end of it. I need to find a different treatment option.

This makes now a very good time to visualize:

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< T790 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Speaking of visualizing T790, I have to tell you about our fantastic neighbors! Thursday night we got back from San Diego around midnight, tired and tense from all the treatment/no treatment stress. Friday morning when I went into the kitchen, I looked out the window and saw a giant sign that said, "DANN... T790.... Love Violet and Steve" in their windows!

After seeing that sign, I had tears streaming down my cheeks! With THAT kind of support, how can you NOT believe that everything is going to work out? You talk about team work? THAT is MY kind of team!

Such wonderful support has come from so many of you. It comes in your words, your emails, your blog comments, and your thoughts and prayers. It makes much more difference than you can imagine!

We all think we are so much more alone in this world than we really are. It's just that it usually takes a pretty big nudge for most of us to let each other know. There's much more "Team" around all of us than we know, until a great big opportunity pops up.

So do yourself and someone you love a favor. Create your own great big opportunity. Show them in some way that you love them, especially when they aren't expecting it. That's when it will hit home the most. You'll feel it too. I guarantee it.

That's what I call living the dream.

Love,

Dann

Getting Help Visualizing T790

We got back from San Diego about Midnight Thursday night. Friday morning I had breakfast and then looked out my kitchen window. This is what I saw!

Steve and Violet have these signs in their windows! It put a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes!

What amazing neighbors/friends to have!

Thank you, Violet and Steve! You're the best!

Your Thoughts on Why I am Still Alive June 14, 2014

Family and Friends,

Thank you very much for all of your thoughts about why I am still alive. I appreciate all the time and love that went into your responses. I plan to use your answers to help me stay better focused on what is working. Hopefully this will keep me alive even longer! In addition, as I said when I asked the question, I plan to share this with others, starting with all of you. I am also hoping that others with cancer will find some benefit in how it may apply to them.

In particular, today I want to share this with Larry, and with Tricia’s sister. Both were just diagnosed with cancer. I can tell you from experience that they are going through the hardest part of the entire cancer experience right now. To me, the time when you first find out is harder than the entire rest of the experiences COMBINED. If you have positive thoughts, prayers or love you want to send their way, even if you don’t know them personally, please either email me or add your comments on my blog and I will forward them.

On to your comments. The responses were heartening, humbling, and almost overwhelming. Again, I am very grateful for your responses. I did my best to pull the kernels from each one, and grouped them in a way that made sense to me. I hope this also makes sense to you.

Here they are:

ATTITUDE

“These four words: open-ness, loving-ness, learning-ness, and receiving-ness. I'm not sure what order they would be. It's more of a circle with them all being related to each other.”

“It takes openness, intentionality (every second!!), love, and power to do this.”

“1.) Your positive outlook on life; 2.) Your strong desire to never give up”

”Your attitude. You have battled cancer head on and from my perspective have never given up even in the face of bad news at times. From talking to you and your emails your attitude has always been positive and optimistic even when things have gone sideways.”

“Attitude is just about everything in fighting off cancer.”

“Positive energy. That being said I believe that the positive energy gets to you because you have shared your story with so much love and positive attitude -- and what one sends out into the world comes back many times over -- like an echo :-).”

“You are more alive than most people who do not have cancer
And that much ALIVE does not dim easily
Your light shines brighter more fully so it cannot easily be extinguished”

“You "REFUSE" to give and say enough is enough.”

“My sister who has breast cancer states emphatically that it is ATTITUDE that makes all of the difference. This is born out in studies.”

“Never for one moment, have you ever projected self-pity. Your selfless and undaunted attitude about your circumstances is an attitude that could very well be a psychological tool to defeat, defer, or stop the spread of cancer.”

“Your ability to focus on a positive outcome, your ability to engage in your valued daily routines such as work, rest and play, your ability to surround yourself with people who like you, your ability to create boundaries, your ability to laugh and enjoy the small miracles that occur…” Christine

“You have found the sweet spot between keeping negativity at bay and bringing in love through your generosity and interest in others.” – Linda

“I think that all the emotional work you have done, including setting boundaries … has been huge. And, here's where I am going with this. Your journey is benefiting others.”

INTENTIONALITY

“Intentionality is absolutely the cornerstone of why you are still alive. I believe it has always been your intention to stay alive and enjoy your wonderful life. Ongoing health is all about your intention.”

“Ongoing health is all about your intention and the intention of all who love you.”

“Having a purpose greater than me to which I feel responsible.”

GENEVIEVE (LOVE!)

“The love and support of Gen who, if I believed in saints she would qualify!! She's been with you every step of the way and I'm sure as with you she has not let your cancer get her down or affect her attitude.”

“Gen has helped switch your DNA through her art pieces and these I believe are channeled specifically to light you up when the colors and shapes hit your optics. (They also have some kind of sounds associated with them.) That said, you both are allowing (encouraging? pulling?) healthy lungs from the DNA strands (another type of string theory?) to come to live in this reality.”

“Hugs my dear friend and hugs to Genevieve for all that love she gives you. You are so lucky to have each other. That doesn’t hurt survival either! I know Lee kept fighting because he didn’t want to disappoint me.” – Jan

“With Genevieve visualizing and creating her magic, you definitely have an advantage in healing that most do not”

LOVE

“Love is an essential piece of this, and some of it is in how we define love. For me, love is the unconditional acceptance of another as perfect the way they are, fully allowing them to do what they do and be who they are. When I fully allow someone (or some situation) to be the way it is, there is no friction or stress of resisting it. Water does not feel stress of gliding around rocks in the stream. This allowing is very different from resignation about circumstances.”

“You are thriving because you're allowing yourself to be loved. It's not an easy thing to do and requires that you love yourself and all your parts and us and all our parts. Whew! it means that you are healing the planet, us, and yourself at the same time. It's a lightworking job.”

SUPPORT FROM OTHERS

“Writing a daily gratitude for your vibrant EVOLUTION every night. Sending you weekly greeting cards to give you something to look forward to each week besides junk mail! I do all of this because I love you and I know that by staying focused on your daily well-being, it’s one more way to stay present which is something I am learning from you!”

“A good support system and a positive outlook help immeasurably and you have that in spades.”

GOD / SPIRITUALITY

“You have a team, a subset of your village, that is working on your physical healing from a spiritual standpoint. Gen, of course, leads the charge in a big way, but others of us are following her lead... the power of prayer and spiritual practice.“

“I think God has given you a gift for the kind, thoughtful and gentle life you choose to lead.”

“Continuing to pray for you and your family and the doctors for your continued healing.”

“God has answered all of our prayers.”

“We have been praying for you and will continue to do so.”

PURPOSE ON THIS PLANET

“It is pretty clear to me the way you deal with a significant illness is so empowering to others that your purpose on this (our) planet earth is largely seen as a work of art. So much so you had the burden of having a variation of the same disease return and Once again you have found a way to navigate the challenges all over again. Your perspective, toughness and overall light heartedness is appreciated by so many that apparently our maker loves what you do. I (we) do too. You are special man and I am so thankful you are in my life.”

“Quite simply, you are still alive because you are not finished yet. This journey you are on, the cancer journey, is not only a soul lesson for you, buy you are providing an amazing glimpse into our own souls, and the power that lies within each of us. This is the work you came to do.” - Laurie

“Simply because you are a wonderful person and it’s waaaaaay too early for you to leave this planet. You are a treasure to all the people you know and come in contact with!” – Jan

DIET AND EXERCISE

“Diet and exercise are important.”

“You've kept exercising, eating right and paid attention to what your body is telling you.”

OTHER THOUGHTS

“I'm sure the drugs you've been on have also helped but I put them down the list a bit…”

“Finding our own balance between all of the above is key. And, this balance can change over time.”

“A quote from Richard Bach's book Illusions: ‘The test to see if your mission in life is complete, if you are alive, it isn't.’”

“I suspect the secret to your longevity has something to do with a childhood ritual you used to practice of blowing smoke out of your ears after spinning around the requisite number of times of your current age and then puffing. I’m sure the practice strengthened your auto-immune system, your equilibrium, and your tenacity.”

“…and just dumb luck.” - Christine

………………………….

Thank you again for all of your amazing input!

Love,
Dann