OK, So the Mutants Have Not Landed Sept 2, 2011

Friends and Family,

I spoke with my oncologist, and we didn't get the news we hoped to hear today. My cancer does not have the right genetic mutation to make me eligible for the targeted therapy. Curse the lack of mutants!

Now we move on from the disappointment and pull the positive from where we can. They continue to work on new targeted genetic therapies, and OHSU is doing a full genetic profile of my cancer. If/when new genetic therapies come along, they will know immediately if I qualify. However, the best news today from my oncologist is that the CT scan that I had last week showed no growth of the cancer from the CT scan that I had a month before. With all of your prayers, positive energy, and loving support, is this a coincidence? I think not!!! Thank you all so much for your part in this. I don't know how anyone could get through this without the love and support of friends.

At this point, all I can do is control what I have control over, and let go of the rest. I have recovered from surgery enough to be back in the gym this week, I'm climbing seven flights of stairs twice a day, I'm meditating on healthy lungs and shrinking cancer, and trying to process the emotional load that comes with all of this. And the best part of all this: It has gotten much easier to stay in the present and get the most out of each moment. That has created some very special moments with Genevieve.

I got my hair cut two weeks ago. I thought I should get people used to the shape of my head before it goes naked. This has turned out to be a good idea at the gym and when meeting with my clients, since some people barely recognize me now.

I was more than a little hesitant when the young woman at Great Clips with tattoos all over her arms, dark purple hair with a shock of blond in the front, and hair died in purple leopard spots on the sides of her head, looked around the waiting room and said, "Who's next?" I blinked, breathed in deep, and said, "I am." On my way back to her chair I had to remind myself that she couldn't have done that to her own hair. And then I reminded myself that the rest of my hair was probably going to be gone before long anyway. It's too late to turn back, so let go, trust, and let it happen. (I'm getting practice with that thought.)

Turns out she was very nice, and gave me a great buzz cut. Who would have thought that appearance wouldn't matter in a person who is altering your appearance???

Next Wednesday Genevieve and I will go to the hospital for a day procedure, where they will install a medication port in my chest to make it easier to do chemotherapy. Then Thursday I will begin chemotherapy. I'll do one round every three weeks, for four to six rounds, depending on how the cancer responds. In the past when I had chemo I had one rough weekend crashed on the sofa every three weeks, but was otherwise OK and missed very little work. I'm hoping it will be similar this time.

Love to you all, and thank you again for sharing this journey with me.

Dann

Think Genetic Mutants Aug 30, 2011

Friends and Family,

Let's start with this: Not everybody wants as much detail as I feel the need to share. If you would rather just get the highlights, respond to this email with "Give me a Lite!" or something similar. If you have heard enough, just tell me to take you off the list, and you can catch up on the blog (http://www.dannscancerchronicles.blogspot.com/) if you want an update. I will also not be in the least offended if you change your mind at any point in the future. Be warned: From this point forward I feel free to make these emails as long as I feel the need!

The waiting process to begin treatment got extended a week due to miscommunication between Providence and OHSU regarding what tests are being done, and when, to determine if my cancer has the genetic mutations that would respond to targeted therapy. We found out that my cancer doesn't have the first genetic mutation, so we are waiting for test results to see if I have the second mutation. There are only two mutations that have targeted therapies with proven results. We should hear the results by Thursday. If my cancer has this second mutation, then I will qualify for the targeted therapy, which is more than twice as likely to be effective, and has almost no side effects compared to chemo. GO MUTANTS!!!

Regardless of which path I end up taking, treatment will start next week. I'll send you an update as soon as I hear the news.

I want to share two stories from a woman who has been a great inspiration in my life. I used to work in a related field with a cancer counselor at Providence Medical Center named Katie Hartnett. After working with her for many years, I heard that she was diagnosed with cancer herself. I ran into her one day at Providence, and after a couple of minutes of polite chit-chat, she said, "I don't know if you've heard, but I've been diagnosed with cancer. It's a Stage IV cancer that is so spread throughout my body that they don't know where it even originated." I awkwardly told her that I had heard the news. She said, "Isn't it a blessing! I've had all these wonderful patients over the years to teach me how to deal with it!" When we finished talking, I walked away feeling a tremendous rush. I was inspired! It's odd, but I thought, "WOW! If I ever get cancer, THAT is the kind of attitude that I would want to have!"

About seven years later, in 2006, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Katie was one of the first people that I contacted. She was still alive, and cancer free. With that kind of attitude, of course she was! She shared a couple of things that were very meaningful to me, and I want to share one of them with you. She told me that when people are diagnosed with cancer, she is much more concerned with how the family members are coping than with how the person with cancer is coping. I trusted that she knew what she was talking about, but I didn't really get it.

After surviving cancer for the past five years, I get it. All the support comes to me, but Genevieve's whole world is being rocked. Her lover and partner may not live, but she has no control of this. Her financial situation may change dramatically, but it would feel heartless to start making financial plans to be without me. People ask Genevieve, "How is Dann doing?", but very few ask her, "How are YOU doing?" Even if they ask the question, how does she answer? If she's doing OK she looks heartless, and if she's not, then she should "suck it up" because I'm fighting for my survival and need support. It's hard to show her fears to me, since she is sure that faith that I can make it is one of the most important things that she can offer me. Where does she find room to feel what she really feels, and still be supported? If you have had any similar experience and have thoughts about this, I would love to hear them.

OK, I'm off my soap box for the day. More to follow when we have some news.

Love to all.

Dann

Thursday was a Great Day August 20, 2011

Friends and Family,

Thursday turned out to be full of good news. First, we got the best news we could possibly hope for at this stage: My MRI scan showed that the cancer has not spread to my brain. The only downside... I have no excuses for my mental lapses now.

Next, Genevieve researched oncologists who specialize in lungs, and three different sources came up with the same two names. We saw one of these doctors at OHSU Thursday, and we thought he was excellent. He was also more encouraging than we expected.

Dr. Lopez-Chavez told us that the survival statistics that I found on the internet are too general to apply to me. I'm in the lowest risk category for for this lung cancer for a lot of reasons. First is my youth. (A little slack here please - It's all relative.) Next, cancer behaves differently for non-smokers than for smokers, even when it is the exact same type of cancer. Third, I have a category of cancer called "non-small cell", which is less aggressive. Finally, my physical condition is excellent, with the exception of that pesky cancer problem. What makes treatment more successful is if you can treat it more aggressively, which you can do only do with people who are in good physical condition.

Dr. Lopez-Chavez also offered the possibility that I may qualify for one of two new therapies that are targeted to the genetics of that specific cancer. My biopsy will be tested. If I qualify, I will start on one of these treatments first. Odds of shrinking the cancer go from 30% for chemotherapy, to 60-70% for the targeted therapies, and there are no major side effects.

In most cases, the targeted therapies and regular chemotherapy are expected to shrink the cancer, not eliminate it. The plan is to try one therapy for a full course, then stay off all therapy until the CT scans show cancer growing again. Then the process is repeated with the next therapy. Some people are fortunate enough to become cancer free. Otherwise, it simply buys more time. Meanwhile, new therapies keep coming out that are more and more successful, so the more time we can buy the better. Someone very close to us is a wonderful example of this, which gives us great hope. She had a breast cancer that had a 10% survival rate. After a new therapy was discovered, the survival rate is now 90%, including her. I just need to hang around long enough to have her success.

The plan is to start chemotherapy September 1st. If we hear that I qualify for the targeted gene therapy, we would try that first, and start around the same time. We'd like to start NOW, but I have to heal from surgery before I can do either.

I'm preparing in advance for the hair fallout. A very short haircut is on the way. I've been there before, and I want to be ahead of the curve this time - Get used to it so people will recognize me, and so I'm not shocked when I look in the mirror.

A heartfelt thank you to all of you who have reached out to us this week. I have been brought to tears more times this week by your reaching out to me than by the cancer itself. It is awkward and uncomfortable to talk about myself, something that you wouldn't guess by the length of my emails. However, I value sharing and connecting enough to get over this. Feel free to ask to be taken off this list, or to delete them from your inbox before reading if this is far more detail than you care to get. They're probably not going to get any shorter. It's the only way I know how to share, and it helps me keep up my own optimism.

Love to you all.

Dann

Test Results Aug 16, 2011

Friends and Family,

We just got the test results, and they are not at all what we had hoped. My surgeon just called and informed me that I have another form of lung cancer.

This is a different lung cancer than I had removed 4 years and 10 months ago. My surgeon is at a complete loss to explain how a non-smoker can end up with two different types of lung cancer.

The cancer is spread out evenly in small dots throughout all four remaining lobes of my lungs. Because there are no healthy lobes, surgery is not an option. From what I understand from what the surgeon told me, and from doing some of my own research, treatment for Stage IV is used to extend life, but is not expected to be a cure.

We won't know any more until we meet with the oncologist, and we won't know when that will happen until he returns from vacation on Thursday and sees when he can fit us in. I am also going to be scheduled for a brain scan, since the brain is the first place that lung cancer will usually spread.

I know of two people that have completely beaten Stage IV cancer. I don't know if I will be the third, but I do know that I will give it everything I've got. I beat Stage III, which is about the best preparation anybody can get for beating Stage IV. I will continue going to the gym, climbing stairs, walking (sometimes with golf clubs in my hands), eating healthy, and anything else that I can think of to beat this. I will also do everything I can to enjoy life with Genevieve, since we don't know how long we will have together.

There are two things that I want to ask of you that I found very helpful the last time I went through this. The first is to send your prayers/positive energy my way. The second is to offer encouragement rather than sympathy. Sympathy = giving up: Encouragement = hope, and energy to fight.

More news will follow as soon as we know more.

Love to you all.

Dann

Tales from the Dark Side Aug 12, 2011

Family and Friends,

The surgery went well, and I live to tell the tale. Things got entertaining at the onset when the nursing assistant came in to shave my chest around the surgery site. Her eyes got big, and she looked at that hair like she was going to be in for the fight of her life. She grabbed the electric razor with two hands and started stabbing at the hair, like she was trying to cut off the head of a snake. You could almost see her lips move, saying "get 'em! get 'em!" She stabbed and scraped and stabbed and scraped, until all the hair was dead, and one nipple was raw from a misdirected attack. She offered to "even things up", but I told her I could manage the other side by myself later. I'm not sure which of us was more relieved.

When I woke up in the Recovery Room I had something sticking out of my chest. They called it a "chest tube", but I know better. I've seen that stuff sold in 50-foot rolls in Home Depot, and they called it a garden hose. If God would have intended us to do this to ourselves, Adam would have had two less ribs to begin with.

If you've never had IV morphine, you should know this. It's a great pain killer, but it can also make you nauseous and turn as pale as a sheet of paper before you can count to five. After more than a little IV morphine, I began projectile vomiting into a bag. Genevieve said that the bag shot out the way those little party favors uncurl when you blow air into them. I think air is a better choice. Perhaps because I was loaded to the gills on morphine and it didn't bother me in the least, it was almost worth it to see the look on Genevieve's face.

It's now two days after the surgery, and I am back at home. The surgery was a success and the biopsies were taken from all three right lobes. Dr. Handy had a pathologist in the operating room reviewing the samples immediately, but they still have no idea what I have. He was hoping that the answer would be clear before we left the operating room. Since it is not, he expects that we won't know for another three weeks, which is how long it will take for samples to be tested and cultured. Until then, we will know nothing more than we know today.

We have no idea how this is going to turn out. All we can do in the meantime is to enjoy life to the fullest, and count our blessings. None of us know how long we have.

I count each of you among my blessings.

Love,

Dann

Dann Update Aug 11, 2011

Hello all: I wanted to update folks . Dann will be out of the hospital tomorrow. All the tubes were pulled today . The chest tube was causing alot of pain so since that has been pulled, his pain is much more under control. Still no word on what is growing in his lungs. I am hoping the doctor will have some answers tomorrow before he leaves the hospital. I think it will take the weekend to get back on his feet but , come Monday... my guess is he will be taking the stairs once again at work and taking his rightful place as #1 in the flight club ( climbing the stairs).

Thank you for all the emails . Dann is so appreciative as am I.

Love and Light,

Genevieve

Dann Update Aug 10, 2011

Hello all: I wanted to update you on Dann's surgery. The doctor took a out a slice of each lobe in the right lung. He was hoping to get a sense of what was in there so we would have some direction but it is still a mystery. He did not think it was a reoccurance of lung cancer as Dann does not fit the profile and the xray showed it as diffused rather than solid. The sample went off to the pathology lab and Dr. Handy is having many tests run to see if this is a virus, mold, tropical bug, or worse case scenario-cancer . We may have some answers at the end of next week. I greatly appreciate the calls and well wishes. I think both Dann and I have been anxious waiting and waiting is the hardest part.... Dann maybe coming home from the hospital as early as tomorrow evening or friday morning. He has to get the chest tube out and Dr. Handy wants to make sure he is stable. Dann thinks he can get up and jog tonight but they are trying to slow him down alittle.

Thank you again for all your kind thoughts and concerns. .

I will send another email when we have more news as to what the pesky little bug is ...

Genevieve

July 22, 2011 Update on My Lungs

Family and Friends,

Just wanted to give you all a heads up on what’s happening with me. I have had a couple of CT scans in the past two months that have shown something growing evenly throughout my lungs, and the doctors don’t know what it is. They have considered a dozen possibilities, including anything from tuberculosis, to lupus, to bacteria, to cancer (least likely), and what they see doesn’t look quite like any of them. Because of this, they are going to do a biopsy by taking a section out of three lobes of my lungs that are each “about the size of a section of orange”. They will poke two or three holes between my ribs and go in with the assistance of a video camera, just like they did when I had one lobe of my lung removed four years and eight months ago (not that I'm counting the time or anything...). I’ll have surgery at Providence Portland on Wednesday, August 10th, will be there for 1-3 days, and will likely be back to work part-time the next week.

For perspective on whatever this is, my surgeon said that he had been very happy to see one of my real estate signs last year: "It's not often that you get to shake the hand of a Stage 3 lung cancer survivor." I'm very lucky to be alive. Chances of survival after five years are 40% for Stage 2 lung cancer, and I never wanted to find out just how much less the chances are with Stage 3.

I’m feeling very fortunate that whatever this is was even discovered before I had any real symptoms beyond minor tiredness and a dry cough. It was only picked up because I have been having routine follow-up scans to confirm that I am still cancer free. Had I not had lung cancer, this wouldn't have been picked up until my symptoms - whatever this is - were much worse, and possibly too late. You never know where the next blessing is going to come from.

Love,

Dann

New Website

For posts related to Dann's Cancer Chronicles, please see the archives.

HOWEVER... There are countless ways of dealing with cancer for everyone involved. The real experts are those who are living with cancer in one way or another. Family and friends have ideas about what does and doesn't work, just as those who are dealing with cancer do.

I started a new website designed to get a lot of participation from others. Please check out http://www.cancerwithattitude.blogspot.com/. If you have thoughts of your own, please add them!

July 19, 2008 Got a New Scan, Dann

Family and Friends,

The latest scan results are in, and I am still cancer free. It has taken a day to go from relief and a little numbness to excitement. How much better does it get than this? Life does not look like it will be hanging in the balance any time soon.

Getting cut off in traffic, strangers who don’t say thank you when you extend a courtesy, a return phone call at work that doesn’t come when promised… All the little annoyances of life again look so LITTLE. But time will dull the perspective, and these petty little things will again become irritating. And at that point I will know that there is so much to be thankful for, because if the biggest thing we have to worry about is five seconds of contact with a stranger, life is pretty darn good.

Love to all.

Dann and Genevieve

April 16, 2008 1.5

Family and Friends,

Every three months brings another CT scan followed by another trip to the oncologist to get the results. The buildup to each meeting is not as overwhelming as it was the time before, though for big life-or-death thrills it's still hard to beat. Last time we enjoyed life like civilians for 10 weeks, then went into a state of near-panic for two weeks before getting the Word. This time we progressed to 11 good weeks, followed by a state of mere high anxiety while trying to ignore it for a little more than a week. A few random bedtimes of palpitations with our brains working overtime to find every rational reason why it would be impossible to have a recurrence of cancer seems like progress.

These intense live-or-die moments help me understand why people jump out of airplanes for fun, but I find zero appeal in doing it myself. Been there, done that. Still falling while waiting to see if the chute will open. But there will never be that sudden moment of relief where the wind fills the chute and gravity is placed on hold. Instead, there will(hopefully) just be periodic meetings with the doctor telling us, "Not this time."

Now for the facts! It has now been 1.5 years since my surgery, and it brings me great joy to tell you that the news is again the best it could be. No signs of cancer! Odds keep getting better! Every new report feels like another victory lap in the "I Beat Cancer" race, and I'm loving it. At times it's even exhilarating.

Except I didn't beat cancer. I have found that the further I get from cancer, the more I have been thinking of it as my own personal success. The reality is far different. When I was going through chemotherapy and asking you to "think prunes", when I was going through surgery, and when I was in the early stages of recovery, it felt like every breath I took was because of your support. I counted on your words, thoughts and prayers to see me through. I drew on every email, phone call, and visit to keep me going, much more than I think you can understand. I often re-lived those supportive interactions to find the strength to keep fighting. I know that WE are now beating cancer because you have been there for me. This is the absolute truth, and for this I will always be grateful to you.

We received other good news today from the oncologist. He said that after two years, the odds of a recurrence drop by 75%. We are now at 1.5 years and going strong. I am still counting on your words, thoughts, and prayers to help me through this.

Thank you for being there.

Love,

Dann

January 22, 2008 Time is on Our Side

Family and Friends,

It has now been 18 months since I was diagnosed with lung cancer, 15 months since my surgery to remove one lobe of my lung, and 13 months since I finished chemotherapy. For the past two and a half months Genevieve and I have been extremely confident that the next CT scan would be negative. In fact, in a weird way I was LOOKING FORWARD to this scan, as proof that we are that much further away from cancer. Of course, that changed over the last two weeks, as the tension mounted for both of us. Our brains are calculating the odds and telling us to be confident, while our hearts are beating out of our chests, waiting for the "verdict". I wanted to SCREAM while we were waiting for the oncologist to come into the room. WHAT DOES IT MEAN that he needs a few more minutes to review the scan? Was there some doubt about the results? Maybe he's on the phone talking with the radiologist... Maybe he's consulting with somebody else...

While you are waiting for the news, it is easy to start interpreting every potential clue. You start watching to see if the staff is making eye contact, or being toooooo nice. In fact, in the weeks leading up to the meeting, every potential hiccup becomes a potential harbinger of doom. I had a cold/flu bug for the past two and a half weeks, and for three days in a row I had terrible headaches. Wait a minute... Didn't they say that the first place lung cancer usually migrates is to the BRAIN? Maybe it's a sign of brain cancer. Why should I have a cold for two and a half weeks? Do I have a weak immune system, which means I could get the cancer back if I even BLINK wrong? Okay, I heard other people had the same bug, and they were even sicker than me, so maybe not.

The common element to these irrational, emotionally charged fears is vulnerability. Even though the oncologist told us that the risk of cancer drops dramatically every three months for the first two years, then drops off more slowly after that, every visit FEELS like a 50/50, yes/no, live/die possibility. Not intellectually realistic, but emotionally it is the absolute truth.

We met with the oncologist today. There are no signs of cancer on my latest CT scan. We live to worry another day.

And so it goes.

Love,

Dann

10/20/07 90 More Reasons to Smile

Family and Friends,

Gen and I met with the oncologist on Friday, and once again got the best possible news we could hope for. We received the results from the CT scan I had done on Wednesday, which was coincidentally (or not) the one year anniversary of my lung surgery. There are absolutely no signs of cancer. My odds get better with every passing CT scan, so things keep looking better all the time.

I'll continue to get scans every 90 days for the next 15 months, which will be 2 years after I finished chemo. After that the scans will come every 6 months for three more years, then annually for life.

The scan schedule gives us a pretty good feel for the expected risk. It tells us we can take nothing for granted. Given that, the doctors are still very optimistic, based on my exercise and dietary habits, attitude, and great support. Gen and I get more and more optimistic as well, though we can't help but get apprehensive during the time leading up to each scan. Head and heart don't always line up easily.

Thank you to everyone who sent their thoughts, prayers, participation, and/or donations for the LiveStrong ride/walk last month. The event was a success. For Gen and me, it was emotionally loaded and rewarding. We will definitely do this again.

For now, we have 90 more days - and 90 more reasons - to smile.

Love,

Dann and Genevieve

9/25/07 A Request for Your Support

Family and Friends,

It has now been 13 months since I was first diagnosed with lung cancer, 11 & 1/2 months since one lobe of my lung was removed, and 9 months since I finished chemotherapy. As of my last CT scan two months ago, I am still cancer-free. How lucky can a person be?

I have said from the beginning that I am a very fortunate person to have found my cancer early enough to aggressively treat it. I have gained a much greater appreciation in the time since then how truly fortunate I am, to have each of you to help me make it through this amazing alternative path my life has taken. I am now asking you to join me in helping others to beat their cancer back with a tidal wave of support.

Join me in the September 29th LiveStrong Challenge fundraising event for cancer research and advocacy. There are three ways you can help:

* Join my team! Join Genevieve and me as part of our very own Team Attitude on the 5K walk on Sunday, September 29th at 9:00 AM beginning at Nike World Headquarters in Beaverton. It's a mere 5K - HA! I was walking more than that a few days after surgery! That's 3 miles, and yes - you can do it! Here's the link: http://portland07.livestrong.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=219861

* Donate the big bucks! Okay, the little ones are great too! If you can donate even $5, please do so. Unless you are cashing in empty pop bottles to get enough cash to ride the bus, you can probably scrape up $5. My fundraising goal for Team Attitude is $1,000, and my personal fundraising goal is $800. Your karma will thank you. I will also thank you. The link to donate is: https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=219861&supId=190804810.

* Send your positive energy, prayers, and good vibes! I KNOW you have that in you. Please share the wealth!

With gratitude and love to you all,

Dann

11/8/06 3rd and Final Phase of Treatment

Family and Friends,

Recovery from surgery has gone very well. Since a week after surgery I have been walking up and down the hills of NW Portland twice a day for a total of about 6 miles on most days. I started back to work roughly half-time last week and 3/4 time this week. I also regained the 8 pounds I lost after surgery, so I don't have to run around in the shower to get wet any more.

I met with the oncologist this Monday and got the go-ahead to start my last two rounds of chemotherapy. This time I met her alone because on my way to the appointment I got hit in an auto accident. Gen volunteered to stand in the rain (It rained 2 and a half inches that day) waiting for the tow truck while I took her car to the doctor's appointment. This, my friends, is true love in action.

The accident rattled me and added to an already generous amount of vulnerability I was feeling as a let-down after the surgery. However, since there was a 1-year old baby in the other car, I feel especially grateful that it was only metal that got hurt.

The oncologist was very encouraging. She believes we already have eliminated all of the cancer, but the research supports doing a total of four rounds of chemo to make sure no stray cells are left. After that I will have quarterly CT scans to be sure.

I began my third round of chemo today. Three weeks from now I will have the final round. We timed it so I will be able to best manage Thanksgiving and my sister Dona's visit from Belgium, and so that I WILL BE COMPLETELY DONE WITH ALL TREATMENT BY CHRISTMAS!

Love,

Dann and Genevieve

10/22/06 On the Mend

Family and Friends,

I am pleased to say that recovery is going better than I could have possibly hoped for. I arrived home yesterday after four days in the hospital. Yesterday Genevieve and I walked to the top of our street and back. Today we walked just under a mile round-trip up and down hills to the park near our home, and we're planning one more walk this afternoon. The wounds are healing nicely, and I'm now off all pain meds except ibuprofen.

Thank you all for your support throughout this unexpected turn of events in Genevieve's and my lives. I am absolutely certain that it has made, and continues to make, this whole process far less difficult than it would be alone.

Having Genevieve with me has been the greatest blessing of all. She has put on a courageous face even during the most difficult moments, and her love had given me the fuel to keep fighting with everything I have. Once in a lifetime, if you are extremely fortunate, this kind of love comes along.

Love to you all,

Dann and Genevieve

7/15/07 Living Life, 3 Months at a Time

Friends and Family,

Last Wednesday I had my quarterly CT scan to see if there has been a recurrence of my lung cancer. I received a call from the nurse in my primary care doctor's office two days later, on Friday. She told me that my CT scan showed a "hyper-dense nodule" on my thyroid gland, and that my doctor wanted me to have an ultrasound that afternoon to see if it was cancer. Reeling from this latest news, I gathered my wits enough to tell her that I had an appointment scheduled with my oncologist two hours later that afternoon, and that after discussing this with the oncologist, the two of them could coordinate what the next step should be. She agreed.

Genevieve and I have been more worried about how this CT scan would turn out than we were before the last two scans. Further, our fears were brought to a raw edge since we had just attended the funeral of my friend Dwayne Elam. Dwayne and I shared a special bond while we both dealt with our cancers over the past year. Dwayne was the husband of Gen's cousin, and our families are close.

At the reception following the funeral we spoke with a woman whose husband had died two years ago, while still in his late 40's, from the same type of cancer that I had last year. Combine this with Dwayne's passing, and we were on edge.

When we met for lunch just before the appointment with the oncologist, I shared the news with Gen. She immediately lost her appetite. We were doing everything we could to rationalize how this new development was insignificant, right up until we met with the oncologist. It wasn't working very well.

That changed very quickly when we met with the oncologist. He told us that the "so-called nodule" was so miniscule that it was probably a computer mis-read (oversampling of nearby tissue), the wrong shape (regular edges), and the wrong location on the gland, to be anything to worry about. Further, it was an extremely unlikely place for the cancer to reappear. He didn't think it would have even been mentioned in the radiologist's report if I didn't have a history of cancer. It wasn't worth investigating further.

We got even more good news when the doctor told us that the chances of recurrence are greatest right after chemotherapy ends (almost eight months ago!), and grow smaller with every passing scan. We had thought that the cancer was more likely to show up after a year or two, when it had time to grow large enough to be detected on the scan. Instead, my odds are getting better every three months!

There are very few moments in life, if any, where you see the entire course of your future shift in a matter of moments. This was one of them. Fear turned to guarded joy, and we were ready to move on and live the next three months of semi-normal life. Rapidly re-developing plans for dealing with chemotherapy, work, relationships, and potential shifts in financial stability were all discarded before we left the room.

But not forgotten. We have become very aware of how all of our plans can shift at some three-month interval in the future. It makes the time more precious.

These fantastic results have reinforced my belief in the steps that I have been taking to beat cancer. I won't pretend to have a cure for cancer, but I think these steps are helping me. I hope they are of some benefit for you as well, even if you don't have cancer. I may not have any more wisdom than the next person, but I can tell you that cancer has made me think really hard about my priorities. Here is my master plan, in no particular order:

1. Remove the "cancers" from your life. This includes negative people, negative conversation with otherwise healthy people, television shows that focus on negativity and terror (think local news and some dramas), etc.

2. Bring as much joy as you can into your life. For me this is sometimes playing golf or watching basketball, or taking the time to listen to someone, and sometimes just taking the time to discover what I really like.

3. Treasure the relationships that are important to you. Making time for the people that bring meaning to my life, treasuring the moments I do have with these people, and thinking about them even when I'm not with them.

4. Making healthier choices. I'm exercising six or seven days a week, eating a little healthier, and getting more sleep.

5. Doing things that bring meaning to your life. This one is still taking shape. Part of it is sharing ideas that I would otherwise be reluctant to share, as I am doing right now. It also means donating time or money to causes that are important. What it means for you may be very different.

6. Have an "attitude of gratitude". Whatever you think about, that is what grows in your soul. Feed it the good stuff, and it will return the favor.

7. Grow. 30 years ago I read about a group of nuns that were living well into their 90's. The common thread among them was that they continued to learn new things, read, and otherwise keep their minds active. How much room is there for cancer if your body is busy growing?

A friend of mine has a theory of gardening. There's no room for the weeds to grow if you plant the flowers really close together. Filling your mind, your heart, your body, and your environment with healthy, positive, growing things doesn't leave much room for cancer. Besides, it sounds like a pretty good life to me.

Love,

Dann

10/18/06 CANCER FREE

Dear All: Dann is "CANCER FREE". That is the bottom line.

So, this is the rest of the story. Dann went in Tuesday, a very good day to have surgery. His surgery lasted a shorter time than expected and it was very successful. Dr. Handy removed the upper lobe of the left lung easily and all went very well. He did find cancer in the lymph node that was closest to the tumor but they got it all out. It was the lymph node that shrunk with the chemotherapy. So, the good news is that the chemotherapy cocktail is effective for Dann's cancer and the next 2 rounds after surgery will be preventative to make sure any stray cells that even think about growing are zapped! This should be completed by Christmas. His 2007 New Year's resolution is to "grow and have hair".
I went in this morning (Wed) and Dann told me he had been exercising in bed . He wanted to start his rehab, however, this was 3AM. He did find he got tired easily and after the nurse told him it was not such a good idea, he has decided to modify his exercise plan. He transferred out to the unit this afternoon and after getting his pain under control is feeling very chipper and alert for a guy going through such a major surgery. I would not be surprised if he was out on the golf course in 2 weeks. That is what having a great attitude and a lot of support does.... you believe it and it is so. This has been a long haul and I am feeling very relieved he is in the final stretch. I want to thank each of you from the bottom of my heart for your support and the love that you have surround Dann and I with these last several months. He is the light of my life and a wonderful man... He has gone through this ordeal with grace and courage. I think the things that have helped are all the support, prayers, love, light, positive thoughts and energy from all of you. Dann will be coming home towards the end of this week. He is a model patient in terms of attitude but I think I will have to tone down his enthusiasm towards the exercising. All prayers are answered and so it is...

Love, Genevieve and Dann (in absentia)

10/17/06 Re: No News is Good News: Surgery is ON!

Hi, This is Linda. I just talked with Gen. Dann came through the surgery with flying colors. The surgeon found another cancerous node which he removed. This means that Dann will have two more rounds of chemo sometime after the surgery. He's in the cardiac intensive care unit over night. Gen will write when she gets a chance, so I thought I'd give you a quick update.

10/16/06 No News is Good News: Surgery is ON!

Family and Friends,

We did NOT hear from the surgeon today. This means that the biopsies of the lymph nodes taken on Friday showed no signs of cancer. It sounds funny to get excited about, but...

YIPEEEEEEE! I get to have surgery this Tuesday!

I'll check in to Providence Portland Medical Center at 9:30. The surgeon will operate at about 12:30 or 1:00. I'll be in the Coronary Intensive Care Unit for about one and a half days (this is standard), then transfer to the respiratory unit. I was told to expect to be in the hospital 4-5 days, or maybe a little less.

That's all the news until Genevieve updates you after the surgery.

Love to you all,

Dann and Genevieve